“When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
But whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” — Proverbs 10:19
For some reason people have gotten it into their heads recently that I’m an extrovert. Hah. Hahaha. Hah.
I guess maybe this is because I don’t have a problem telling a joke that I’ve learned from somewhere else because hahaha no way I’m going to risk telling a joke I made up myself. Maybe this is because I get very vocal about politics, but hey, everybody has something that makes them tick. Maybe it’s because I give talks sometimes about various things.
But honestly, have I ever gotten into a heated political debate outside of family in person? Not even once (yay for the internet). Do I give talks about my health or other subjects very often? Nope. Actually, teaching the homeschool biology class about the peripheral nervous system the other day was the first time I’ve ever done anything like that in my entire life. Do I regularly take the lead in a Bible study? Hahaha. No way, Jose.
And even when I do these things, I am incredibly nervous and suddenly wish at the last possible moment that I wasn’t doing it. Only by the grace of God do I actually get through stuff like teaching a bio class.
And maybe it helps that I’ve only ever done these things in front of close or regular friends, who I know and feel comfortable doing such things around. I mean, after all, I’m just teaching really. And that’s how I view it. And I’m fine with teaching sometimes, as long as I think of it like that. But personal stuff? You really want me to open up personally? Not over my dead body. If that happens, I’m either being really stupid or I really trust you. Sometimes it might be a little bit of both.
But do I have a whole lot of super-duper close best friends? Not really. Just about a handful, with about three that I truly open up to and who know everything. And even still, I divide what I share up between them of all folks. Yeahyeahyeah, I know…
Frankly, I do most of the stuff like that out of a sense of duty. I just have to, for some reason. Why not give a specialized lecture about the autonomic nervous system? Why not pass on this enjoyable joke? Why not put some spiritual thoughts out there? Why not get really mad at Thom Tillis and have an immense dislike for the guy and vent that publically? (Politics as usual) 😉
And I admit, I like to laugh. Laughter is awesome, and sometimes I laugh way to easily at weird stuff. So yeah, I get looked at funny occasionally. But I don’t mind that.
I also admit that I’m a worrier, and I get nervous really easily. And I don’t like sharing my real thoughts. So I talk. And talk. And talk. Because OH NO AWKWARD SILENCE THIS LEADS TO SHARING OF DEEP THINGS NOPENOPENOPE OKAY SO UM HERE’S A RANDOM FILLER-JOKE… See how that works?
But God has been impressing on my heart for about a year now that I shouldn’t talk for the sake of white-noise. Silence is good, sometimes. Also, where this is a lot of useless talking, sin is just around the corner (I’m reading the book of Proverbs in my devotions right now). And really, I much more prefer to let others take the lead, and I’ll do my part and laugh at your unintentionally funny thing.
If you ask for my serious advice, I’m totally willing to share with you. If you need my help or council or encouragement, I’m the guy for that. But for Pete’s sake, unless you really think I’m the right guy for it, don’t ask me to lead your whatever. Because I’ll do it, and I probably won’t regret it. And I’ll be honored. But I’d like to finally be comfortable as myself, and embrace the personality God gave me. I want to use that for His glory. And He can’t use me for His glory if I’m trying to be someone else.
Besides, being someone else is very tiring. It’s hard keeping up with other folks. I think I’m okay being myself, now. I really ought to be, anyway.
And oh yeah, please don’t vote for Thom Tillis. Just… don’t even get me started. I will talk your ears off about THAT! 😛
May God bless you!!!