I was listening to a song by Keith and Kristyn Getty called Don’t Let Me Lose My Wonder and I found it really put into focus a lot of how I have been feeling lately.
You see, when I first became a Christian, I had so much awe, so much reverence, so much thankfulness. But over the last 3 1/2 years, complacency has begun to set in. I lost my wonder.
And so I have become very distressed spiritually lately. I have been wondering what is wrong; “why am I acting this way?” I wanted to know why. What is different from the week I was saved versus this week? I wanted to know what was different from how I felt then to what I feel now.
So God took the opportunity to speak to me in those moments. He also has been preparing me for this for awhile now, so I got the message pretty quickly. It is simple. Like I said, I lost my wonder.
I lost my awe of my Heavenly Father, Immortal, Invisible (Laura Story). I lost my desire to grow in purity and sanctification, to be free of the sin that so easily entangles (Hebrews 12:1-2), somewhere along the way. Why and how? I don’t know exactly. I can tell you that I don’t like it.
Wow, this is going to be a hard journey ahead of me, isn’t it?
I’m in the book of James right now. He has harsh words for me. Do I want to hear them? Eh, probably not. But in a way, I do. I not only need to hear them, there’s a part of me that want’s to hear them. So I guess not all hope is lost!
I better get ready for a war. My flesh isn’t going to give up the ground it has gotten very easily, and neither will the evil one. Mark Hall, the lead singer of the band Casting Crowns, and the youth pastor at Eagles Landing Baptist Church in Georgia, calls this part of revival “the battle of the heart and the hands.” He alludes to it in his song Courageous, featured in the movie of the same title, and on the album Come to The Well.
I guess I need to go to the Well (John 4:1-45). He can heal me and restore me. And guess what? He already has! You see, Jesus died so that we all can have our salvation freely offered. All we have to do is ask and repent.
And that’s something else God showed me: I have to repent again. Not just ask forgiveness of my sins, but decide to turn from them and fight temptation. The definition of repentance.
My original, saving faith that drove me for about a year has faded away (it’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade). But it is high time I fight back. So I’m putting on the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-20) and getting ready to get behind my King as He leads the charge.
I’m going to have a relationship with God where I sit in His wondrous Presence. I will have a relationship with my God where I listen to what He is saying in prayer. Try it sometime; it’s amazing when you suddenly know what you are supposed to do and you have a peace about it!
So I’m resolved, just like Johnathan Edwards, to live my life faithfully, beyond reproach, not to bring any glory to myself (God forbid it), but rather to point it all to Him Whom makes it all possible.
I hope no glory ever comes to me. I just want His protection from sin and help defeating what’s already here. Adding something else would just be terror to this nightmare we call our crazy-messed-up-with-sin world.
And something that non-believers don’t get is that we really don’t want any kind of glory for ourselves. And we really do have access to God; we are not God, just like I’m not Prince Charles. I just have access to Him, like Charles’ sons do to him. And we also have a blessed peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7).
These are things that they don’t understand, because they don’t experience them. And they never will really understand if they feel no need for repentance. But this is the work of the Holy Spirit, to work in their own hearts personally and to cause them to see their sin and need for Christ (some call this Calvinism. They have a problem with it. I don’t see why. They must assume they can find God on their own, however the Scriptures show us clearly different: God has come to seek us!). (Luke 19:10)
It is rather our job to preach the Gospel, that when the Spirit opens their hearts, they can know what to believe.
We are also to pray. And I want you to know, if you don’t get any of what I’m talking about concerning the relationship Christians have with the Father, follow the link here to find out about the relationship you currently have with God, and the relationship you need to have with God. You will have the peace that never goes away that I’m talking about. You can have peace with, and through, Jesus.